"Hi, can I have a greasy long fringe with supersized fries, extra cheese, and a large Emo Millkshake, please?"
-------

EMO IS OVER. YOU CAN ALL GO HOME NOW.

Okay, so I've decided-- ENOUGH with all the emo vibes already! (Soooo last season.)
I shall swear off emo for the next week. (or less.)

I swear, someone has been spiking my waterbottle with crack or something, because dahyum I've been ridiculously moodswinging. Like a monkey on a branch, hahahaaa.
Like a chunky monkey on a ranch branch.
(I'm not making much sense, am I.)

THE POINT IS.
Someone's been spiking my water!
Don't lie, Justin.
I KNOW you've been doing it, 'coz you don't want to end up as wildcat chow!

...So yeah. I don't really have anything of particular significance to say, but who cares, as long as this post doesn't turn out all weepy-like.

So today, this is what happened.
1. I went out. I kickboxed. I kicked ass.
2. I got my Nature's Valley fix.
3. I fell in love.
4. I fell out of love.
5. I got married and had seven children and disappeared in a poofy purple cloud of sublimat...ed(?) atoms.

...Kay, that didn't REALLY happen.
I did kick ass, though.
Which was purely an accident.
I swear, I never saw the formidable bulk of that lady's behind in front of me; and how was I supposed to know she would get in the way just when I was executing a roundhouse kick?

And I DID fall in love-- with Channing Tatum's picture on one of the magazines in the stand.
And then ten seconds later I remembered that he was bi, and promptly fell out of love again.

And no, I didn't get married (to, like, who, exactly. My iPod? ...Please, he's underaged.) and I'd die before having seven children, my ambition isn't to become the Old Woman Who Lives In A Shoe or whatever-she's-called and I'm much too awesome to disappear into something as eeny as a cloud of purple dots.

Please, I'm above that, thanks.

... Also, my M&I group would fully kill me if I upped and married and ran away, because apparently today I'm supposed to meet them online to finalize our project on Appeal To Authority, Argument ad Verecundiam.

Pfeeeet.
I'm not sure when I sound more like an aging hippie on expired drugs- when I'm rambling like this, or when I'm being emo and oh-how-trashed-our-world-is (!).

But for now I'm choosing to be rambly like this, so HA, you can't do anything about it!
(*cackle!*)

...Unless, of course, you choose to close down your Internet browser window.
In which case I will be thoroughly disgusted with you, and will soon go on a miniature Cara rally and I will picket around your house and accuse you of violating all Awesomeness Rights and I will throw blue cheese through your windows and put mayonnaise in your bathtub.

And if you don't have a bathtub, then that's even better- I'll plug the entire jar into your showerhead.

...Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "greasy hair", no?

Also. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate the show Ed, Edd, And Eddy?
I'm forced to watch it every single morning (without fail!) while I'm doing my daily treadmill run, while my brother waits for his schoolbus to come.
Apparently, he finds it absolutely neccessary to fill up his waiting-for-schoolbus time by watching lameass shows about people who don't exist.

(Although I'm in love with someone who doesn't exist.
...But then again, he's a CULLEN, and beautiful, and the hottest ever, so that doesn't count.)

But seriously.
Ed, Edd And Eddy? Give me a break- it's just a show about a bunch of retards running around and spasticating their pathetic teenage lives away.
If I wanted to watch that kinduv trash, all I'd have to do is to step outside into Cineleisure/Heeren/randomteenagehangout.
And I wouldn't even have to pay the cable television fee.

...Now, before all of you rush down on me with an almighty roar of "...DISCRIMINATION AGAINST YOUR OWN GENERATION!"; let me first make this disclaimer:

EVERYONE WHO READS MY BLOG IS BEAUTIFUL AND THOROUGHLY AWESOME (...awesomeness does rub off, y'see), AND THEREFORE THOROUGHLY UN-ED, EDD, AND EDDY LIKE.

And Ting, if you're still up on it, I'll take up your offer on the whole bungee jumping shizz.
But I hope you know that PEOPLE ACTUALLY BUNGEE JUMP WITH SAFETY CORDS ATTACHED, and therefore the possibility of you actually opening your head against a bunch of sharp rocks is, like, oh, I don't know- in the zeroth percentile?
But yes, darling. If YOU jump, I'll jump too.

Just please don't jump from a cliff or something.
Let's jump somewhere safer.
Like jump rope together, or something. Or jump for joy. Or Jump N' Jiggle.
Or let's go on the Flabelos together, which I highly doubt actually works- because where's the fat supposed to go after you jiggle it off? Does it just jiggle off all of one's jiggly bits?
And even if it does- then what then? Does it magically diffuse into the air or summat? Is there something I don't know, here?

...But I digress.
Let's just have fun, whee, let's go horseback riding and burn (open quote) "300 calories an hour!" (end quote), although technically I don't know how one's supposed to burn calories while riding a horse.
I mean, doesn't the horse do all the work?
It doesn't seem right that WE should burn 300 calories in an hour. I mean- it's not as if WE'RE the ones galloping around the field/meadow/racetrack and neighing and garrumphing and swishing our tails. [...if you happen to be one of the select few who actually DO, though, then you are in serious need of help and I recommend seeking out your friendly neighbourhood psychologist.]

[...Although then again, you might want to see an animal behaviourist instead.]

---

Aight, that should do the trick.
EMO, BE GONE.

EMOBEGONE EMOBEGONE EMOBEGONE EMOBEGOHHHHHHHNE.

(I think that should do the trick.)

Chin up, lovelies!
Stay strong, smile on the inside (and, if you're extra happy, on the outside, too!);
and children, REMEMBER.

...Never talk to strangers.

Especially strangers in dark eyeliner in tight black band t-shirts and tapered pants and who say strange things like, "...I'm actually hurting inside. I hurt so much inside." and "...my heart is broken but it's okay, I'm fine, you don't care anyway, nobody cares, I'm all alone woe is meeee."

<3